Im thru to the other side of a massive flare. It’s like walking thru fire. I have felt like a pinball machine at times with flares bouncing around to different random parts of my body. Flares are inflamation and they can be severe and debilitating. I now know after so much experience and time having gone thru so many that the key is patience. Avoid doctors. I used to goto doctors and it was always the same they’d use threatening language intentionally to put me in a state of panic and fear. Over medicating over prescribing dangerous meds like biologics to shut down my immune system. They wanted to take away my power and strip away any sense of calm and and belief in myself and in the power of time. I used to listen especially before I began to meditate. I am glad I did. Im glad I had the experience with it when I did to know that world to see what its about the pros and cons etc… So much medication was so unessecery because so much of what I was experiencing was born from intense stress, intense emotions, and PTSD from an abusive childhood.
Having crohns and ankylosing spondylitis is interesting. They both come with so many extras and I got the tricked out all the bells and whistles versions so its amazing Im not on any medication. People are amazed by this. Ive had flares where Im not able to walk very well. Experiencing that amount of pain puts you in a very vulnerable place and I wanted to hide myself away many times but I have a strong spirit and Ive learned to let go of and move thru the shame and vulnerability of it and allow myself to be seen in that state. Ive learned there’s beauty in allowing yourself to be seen at your most vulnerable. So many people are struggling with something and hiding it. Ive been 90 pounds hardly able to walk and wrapped up in bandages from ulcers on my skin but here comes my spirit that pushed me up and out the door and out into the world. Ive had lots of gawkers. Once in a market in Ojai CA a woman threw her arms around me and hugged me so tight and said “Oh my God honey! Your amazing! You’ll be ok!” Once in a packed elevator a woman said “Your brave and strong and you’ll be ok sweetheart! I know it!” A few times when I took myself out for a walk people would pull over in their car and ask what’s wrong and telling me what an inspiration I am. I didn’t want the attention and it was so uncomfortable I felt very seen. I wanted to be left alone and “normal” but it’s ok.
Ive had my parter carry me into comedy clubs many times while on crutches unable to walk with a fever and again wrapped up from sores so I could get on stage do a set, kill it! and crawl back into my bed at home. Aside from standup ideas I hear music. I always have and regardless of what state Im in Ive always tried to get my song ideas down when I hear them - they seemed to come as messages to me from spirit from my highest knowing self as a way to be - as a knowing truth and a soothing tonic. Then Id have to figure out getting to recording studios, putting my musicians together teaching them the songs and on what coast…always finding a way despite it all. I look back in awe of how much Ive created in my deepest despair and challenges. Like my song “Laughter In The Distance” (Listen here) which I wrote while in the hospital on IVs when I was young. My amazing spirit stronger than my physical body my spirit has been teaching me from way back when to go beyond it all and honor the muse honor my creativity and this chance at life right here right now. I have angels conspiring on my behalf this I know. They’ve been leading me guiding me and protecting me. I have a hunch who they are.
Im so blessed in so many ways like to have a partner who’s seen me thru unimaginable states and come thru and now knows what’s in my highest and best interest - patience food water rest time and he’s all about it. Thankful for this! It’s been a leaning curve for both of us to navigate my health without involving doctors with what I eat drink and energy and people I engage with what I read and consumption of any media etc…we are careful now. Im always armed with tissue in the car and we are so in tune all I have to do is look at my partner and he knows ok I’ll pull over. What’s so amazing is when I reach the other side of it when the raging storm within passes and we both had faith and patience. I have many mantras like “Practice makes progress” and have tools I practice like movement Yoga walking and Meditation that allows me to be a calm presence in the eye of the storm of life. Peace is a practice. I have weathered many storms in my life of being homeless on drugs and alcohol having to find a safe place to sleep as a child be it a neighbors or friends house or the neighbors yard, health challenges hospitals doctors meds going to the light and so many accidents and broken bones and a fused spine ulcers all over and so much more and now Im again on the other side having survived it all and Im here now thriving ( Click here to listen to my song “Nowhere - Now Here)
Now when things arise I go deep into utilizing my tools and I say “Lyss go beyond the mind - go beyond the thought patterns of negativity of victim of all of it - Take yourself out of your mind and thoughts and goto the limitless expansion of the universe that u are - where in truth its all possible its already passed and healed beyond any expectation - allow for and invite creative flow grace ease peace joy play movement......release yourself and soar and flow into this place of limitless expansion Lyss, breathe love into every cell of your body and when your good and saturated with love begin to exhale that love back out into the world. See it see it going where its so needed into hospitals prisons into nature animals bodies of water and into the hearts and minds of people to create a conscious awakening and ultimately Universal Peace. I can see it. Im Manifesting it. Yes I am. I only manifest the best. I see things coming into alignment. I am already doing things and setting it a blaze with health and music and all creative endeavors ...affirmative.” New music coming soon its a journey like everything of value is. I’ll be sharing my new songs soon. Breath be with u ~ Peace b with u ~ xo